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What I really want for Christmas: a man's wishlist

Revealed! What men desperately want ...

by Tom Mitchelson

Plumbing skills
I’d like to go on a course and learn how to plumb. I no longer want to be frightened by the word ballcock. In the past if someone said, ‘there’s a leak,’ I shuffled my feet and hung my head. It was emasculating. With this gift I could just grab a spanner, go under the sink for a bit and emerge with my manliness uncompromised.

A penguin
There’s a mystery to penguins. They’re inscrutable, noble, with a quiet dignity I’ve always admired. Since the age of three, when I carried around a small, stuffed one, bought at a boot sale, I’ve wanted one as a pet. I know he’d prefer more wintry conditions than I can offer but I’d give him regular baths and keep the freezer stocked with ice. I’d take him for walks and we’d have adventures.

An Elvis catsuit
Like the ones Elvis wore in the ‘70s when he was getting a bit fat. I’d want it tailored, white, huge collars, with small diamonds down the side of each leg and gold buttons on the front. I don’t know where I’d wear it. Special occasions, I guess. I looked it up on the internet. It’d cost £3,500.

Charity by proxy
This would work like this: you give me three days of your time, I send you to a charity of my choice to do voluntary work. When your time is up, my gift finished and you leave saying that I sent you. You could also donate through a direct debit in my name.

The Pyramids of Giza
I’ve been to Egypt, stood in the sand and gazed upon the pyramids. The ancient wonder was ruined by the bus-loads of fat Americans, yabbering Italian teenagers and Tommy Cooper hat-wearing salesman who moved ant-like between the structures. I’d like a private viewing. I’d also like the Taj Mahal.

Tom Mitchelson is a writer and broadcaster. His first book, Shut Up and Kiss Me, was published in 2009. He has freelanced as a feature writer for The Times, the Independent, the Guardian, the Sun and contributes regularly to the Daily Mail. He has made documentaries for Al Gore’s TV station Current and written jokes and sketches for TV and radio shows. The second series of Tom’s Radio 4 sitcom, Electric Ink, written with Alistair Beaton, aired this year.

What do you really want for Christmas? It might be here ...

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Alice  Jones

Alice Jones

Alice Jones is intern on All About You; she has an obsession for all things fashion and beauty related.

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Carla  Griscti

Carla Griscti

Editorial assistant on allaboutyou; Music lover, travel bee and food fanatic.

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Emma Marsden

Emma Marsden

Food consultant of All About You, loves creating something out of nothing and decluttering.

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Nola  Ojomu

Nola Ojomu

Freelance contributor to All About You. Mission - to have the perfect eyebrows

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Harriet  Edgar

Harriet Edgar

All About You intern; likes fashion, jogging, blogging and EastEnders

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Bernadette  Fallon

Bernadette Fallon

Editor of All About You; an online journalist with a fetish for glossy magazines.

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Adrienne  Wyper

Adrienne Wyper

Deputy editor of All About You. I love cycling, cooking and creating

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Carol  Muskoron

Carol Muskoron

Associate editor of All About You, loves life (mostly) and one-pan recipes (always).

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Rachael  Ashley

Rachael Ashley

SHE's deputy editor and single mum of two embodies the SHE motto 'Busy and loving it!'

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Kate Gilbert

Kate Gilbert

Lifestyle Co-ordinator Good Housekeeping; believes in style,substance and big girl shoes.

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Marie  Campbell

Marie Campbell

Marie Campbell is assistant to the editor at SHE and also writes for the lifestyle pages.

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Natalie  Glock

Natalie Glock

Editorial assistant on All About You; a Parisian in training and amateur baker.

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Ruth  Chandler

Ruth Chandler

Assistant features editor on Country Living, Ruth lives on a smallholding in rural Essex.

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Julia  Goodwin

Julia Goodwin

Editor of House Beautiful since 2006, Julia has been a journalist for over 30 years.

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Josa Young

Josa Young

Josa Young is a writer, cook and internet content consultant.

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